I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
