How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize