Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
