I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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