Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
