tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize