Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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