She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
