when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think I am morally bankrupt
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
