I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
