Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
