If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
