: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
