I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
