Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
