You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
