Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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