the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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