Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize