I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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