puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
