Betty ford says i'm here all night
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
