it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
