____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I intend to get homeless drunk
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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