I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
