so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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