I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
