Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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