Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
