Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
