Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
