We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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