Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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