Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
