Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
