i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
