i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
