Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he thought i was a dude.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
