dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
