my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize