Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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