I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
