...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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