no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
All I want is dick and wine.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
