I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
