He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
