i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
