ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
