We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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