Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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