so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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