i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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