I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
