I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
