i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
