He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
