That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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