pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
