Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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