Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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