I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
smell my finger.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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