How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
