So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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