don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
