u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
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