Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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