Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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